Sweet but smelly revenge
by Ematiger
Summary: This is the story of first bonding experience between Vegeta and Bulma… and a story about how Yamcha became internet famous in one night.


Disclaimer: If I owned these characters - I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer -_-

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"Finally" sighed Bulma, "I can lay down for a moment. Shopping is done." She was exhausted from carrying all these shopping bags. The moment she sat down on the couch she has noticed a weird sound of door being slammed against the wall. "What the... it must be Yamcha". She loved him, but lately he was acting pretty strange. Yamcha would not answer her phone calls, go on dates with her and she's not even talking about cuddling. Smell of cheap female perfume hit her nostrils and she could feel an argument coming. She was tired and angry.  
"Hey, babe" greeted Yamcha and was about to kiss Bulma, but she turned her head to the side. "What's wrong with you, Bulma?" He was really surprised.  
"Are you kidding me!? You are the one that ignores me and then suddenly you come over to my place stinking like a whore!" He was dumbfounded. Sure, he loved Bulma, but he couldn't understand what was she talking about. Sure, he was on a few dates with a girls but he's a man – he can't live without satisfying his needs.  
"Bulma, what are you talking about?" 'I'll just play it off' thought Yamcha.

"THE FEMALE PERFUME, YOU IDIOT!" She was furious. 'Damn, I forgot to change clothes'  
"Ohhh you're talking about that incident in the shop this morning" laughed Yamcha while scratching his head nervously.  
"What incident?"  
"You know, I was walking through the shop, when elder lady dropped a bottle of perfume and it splashed all over me, so that's all" he lied calmly.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Yamcha, it's just we don't spend as much time as we used to and I really missed you."

"Don't worry about that, B. Let's go out somewhere, shall we?"

"Ok, Yammy"

'Stupid Kakkarot and that kid from the future. Stupid Frieza and stupid super saiyan form. One day you'll all be dying and I'll be laughing'

"Vegeta dear, come over here - dinner's ready. Such a cute, handsome, young man as yourself has to eat a lot"

'Speaking of stupid - BLAST THAT STUPID BLONDEE WOMAN!'

"How many times do I have to tell you, you old wench - I'm NOT CUTE!" screamed Vegeta.

"Cho cho cho oh don't be so shy, sweetie, now come on because I've made your favourite meal – baked piglet stuffed with carrots." After hearing this Vegeta chuckled evilly 'Stupid Kakkarot'

Saiyan prince ate the whole piglet without any help, but he did not eat carrots, he just mashed them with his fork like he usually does and left walked away from the table with his usual weird smirk after dinner like this. In order to reach his room Vegeta had to walk through the living room. 'Hm fresh scent of the "Pleasedon'tkillmeMisterSaibamen" and the younger woman is not here - must be on so called "date". If only I cared.'

He took the shower and went to sleep. Vegeta was about to reach his dream world, were he was the only king and all of his slaves had Goku's head and Frieza's bodie, but the loud sound of doors being slammed woke him up. "FUCKING YAMCHA!"

She was totally livid. How could he? Her Yamcha?! She was late for five minutes. Literally five minutes and he was already trying to hook-up with that bitch. Usually she was late for about thirty minutes but tonight she have tried to make a little surprise for him. When she saw Yamcha standing over there with that wench flirting, Bulma was about to grab an umbrella and stick it where no umbrella has even been. But she had a better idea... a weird one saying the least. Bulma ran out of the cafeteria into a costume shop and bought a black wig, some dark make-up and leather clothes. She changed in the shop and walked back into the cafeteria. Bulma with her new goth-like look walked past Yamcha, in a very slow pace.

''Hello beautiful, my name is Yamcha, but friends call me Yum".

''Hi there Yummm''. Bulma purred with changed voice. "My name is Vanesa, pleasure to meet you". Bulma could swear that she saw Yamcha drooling for a moment or two. ''You have the most beautiful eyes, Vanesa'' Yamcha whispered. ''I'd like to wake-up tomorrow and see you at my side". Blue haired beauty (now black haired) couldn't believe that that prick did not recognize her. "Yumm, could you please wait for me here? I'll bring some drinks for us". "Sure my beauty", dreamily answered Yamcha. Bulma bought two glasses of Mojito. She dropped two pills of laxatives and two sleep pills into Yamcha's drink and gave it to him which Yamcha gladly accepted and drank almost instantly. "Would you like to do a crazy thing?", asked Vanesa. He nodded. "Let's go to your place I'll drive". He agreed. Yamcha was already getting sleepy when he tried to walk into his flat. He led what Yamcha tought was Vanesa into his bedroom. "Lay down hon, I'll be riiiiight back" said Bulma as she walked into the restroom. She waited there until Yamcha was barely conscious and walked out. But now she wasn't wearing any make-up.

"Hey, babe, I'm too tired for this. I'm going to sleep", he muttered. "Ok, but first of all... FUCK YOU, YAMCHA!" screamed Bulma as she threw her wig at his face and walked away. "B-bulma? Bulma wait! I can explain"! But at this point Yamcha fell asleep. She did not care and just walked to her car. Bulma was too angry to cry or to be sad. She walked into the house and slammed the door shut without caring that her parents or 'Prince of all Jerks' were asleep.

"WOMAN, WHAT THE HELL!?" Screamed Vegeta while trying not to get hit by flying pans, cups and... Chairs? Then Prince noticed that the fridge had almost ten knives sticking out of it and there was a picture of that weakling hanging on the door. 'She stabbed the fridge. The fridge. Why? Why stab the fridge'. Knives were so deep in that he could only see their handles. Vegeta was too distracted to see a flying pot coming right at his dumbfounded face. BANG!

" _Your Majesty, would you like to kick me in my butt?" Asked a very weird figure. "With pleasure" grinned Vegeta._

 _"_ _Just let me put on my shoes with spikes". Vegeta's shoe was inches away from_ Frieza's ass _when... "_ Vegeta, are you alright?" asked Bulma while pouring second bucket of ice cold water over Vegeta's head. "Oh, Vegeta, I'm so sorry about this. I did not mean to hit you in the head with that pot – really..."

"Me? A saiyan? In the head? With a pot?! Don't be stupid, woman, I was just messing with you"

"And that bump on your head is just a part of the show?" asked Bulma.

"Y-yes... YES IT IS."

"Anyway, I have a plan and I need your help, Vegeta" prince was about to say big fat no, but Bulma was faster "Vegeta, would you like to humiliate Yamcha?"

"I'm listening".

"Uhhh what's happening?" muttered Yamcha. "Why am I hanging… upside down... naked" His stomach began to rumble. "Where am I?"

"You are in a deep shit, mister!" said Bulma.

"Great pun, woman". Snickered Vegeta.

"What is this all about?! What have I done to you to deserve this?!"

"WHAT ABOUT CHEATING, YOU PRICK!"

"Oh come on, babe, that was just light flirting and like you are saint! OOhhhhh I know that you and that so called saiyan prince fuck each other every single night and you don't even let ME to touch you!" Yamcha heard laughter coming from the corner.

"This is the biggest bullshit that I've ever heard and I lived in Frieza's ship (that says a lot)" laughed Vegeta.

"The closest thing to sleeping with that wench was the ice accident..."

~ Flashback ~

"Vegeta, you have two options: you either wear the ice-skates, have a great time and have your GR back or you can refuse to wear them and just go without GR for one month. Oh and just to remind you – If you kill me or harm me in any way – you will never be able to train in that room again, because when my heart beat stops - will be activated self-destruction mode and you will have to collect GR piece by piece. And for Kami sake – don't ruin our New Year's party on ice."

"Damn you, woman! Okay, give these weird shoes to me. It's not like I wouldn't be able to do it, after all – I am a prince of all saiyaaaAAAUCH". He screamed out while trying to stand up, but fell on his butt. After a few more painful attempts and Bulma's seizures of laughter she was helping Vegeta to stand up. Ignoring the fact that prince on the ice was like a fat Bambi everything seemed to be fine… until Vegeta came almost flying into Bulma:

"WOMAN GET OUT OF MY WAY OR I WILL LOSE MY GRAVITY ROOM!" Bulma was too slow and they both fell down. Goku happened to be skating behind Vegeta just to make sure he behaves and doesn't kill anyone. After a while Goku heard something weird. "I swear to Kami, Vegeta, if you're trying to eat all of my sushi again I will make you into… ". He couldn't finish his sentence because of what he saw: Vegeta was on top of Bulma, her hands around his neck and her legs around his waist and Vegeta's face was buried into Bulmas… chest pillows. 'Thaaat's not my sushi. Moooooving on' thought Goku and tried to get out of that area as fast as possible. Usually Gohu is awful on ice, just like Vegeta, but this time he was like professional racer.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU PRICK" screamed Bulma as she tried to push him away.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO" yelled Vegeta as he tried to push himself up but in vain attempt. Yamcha was going near that place. 'Where is that screaming coming from. Sounds like Bulma is…' and this is the moment when Yamcha saw the scene:

"OH COME ON! PUSH YOURSELF HARDER! HARDER!"

"I'M TRYING TO, BUT IT'S TOO SLIPERY!"

"SERIOUSLY! I THOUGH THAT YOU WERE A MAN!"

'What in the fucking hell!? With me she's like Saint Mary but now… I need to drink something'. This is all Yamcha could think of before slowly crawling in a direction of a bar to have a bottle or two.

~End of a flashback~

"And it's not like I would ever sleep with that ugly vulgar woman"

"HEY! Don't call me that!"

"Yeah, whatever"

"GUYS!" screamed Yamcha. "Stop this shit and untie me – my stomach feels really weird."

"We can stop this shit, but you can't." Snickered Vegeta

What the hell are you talking about again?"

"You'll see, dung beetle."

"It's not funny. And what the hell you've done to me?! I can't use my ki?!"

"That's a ki suppressor. Gave you while you were asleep. Don't worry – it will only last for a few days."

"Yeah, but I feel pain in my belly and it's getting worse!"

"Woman, let's go before the explosion happens."

"WHAT EXPLOTION?!"

"You're right, Vegeta, but first I have to connect these cameras and make a live on Facebook, Instagram, Youtube aaand Sports News."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? WHAT TV?! WHAT CAMERA?! WHAT EXPLOSION?!"

"You'll see pretty fast and for now – try not to open your mouth too wide."

"Wait! Don't leave me like this! Please! It hurts. What the… what's happening? No! NO! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAGHUHGHHRHGHRHHHH…

"I told him not to open his mouth, stupid earthling."

"Come on, Vegeta, it's even better this way."

"For the first time – I agree with you, woman"

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This is my very first fanfiction so don't be too angry XD English is not my first language, sorry.


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